26. Surviving the Battle Within — One Veteran's Journey Through PTSD, Addiction, and Finding Peace w/ Jonny Mize

Jonny Mize is a US Army combat veteran who served in Afghanistan from 2006 to 2007. When he came home, he was carrying invisible wounds — PTSD, anxiety, depression, and a darkness that nearly cost him his life. At his lowest point, he attempted suicide. But Jonny survived. He found Transcendental Meditation, and it changed everything. It worked so quickly and brought him so much peace that he became a certified TM teacher in San Diego, now serving veterans and first responders through the Resilient Warrior Program at Restore VFW Solana Beach. In this conversation, we talk about coming home from combat changed, navigating addiction and suicidal ideation, why Transcendental Meditation became his key to transformation, and how his healing is now rippling through entire families. 

Connect with Jonny Mize: 

•Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jonnyoptimize/ 

•Resilient Warrior Program : https://www.resilient-warriors.org/ 

•David Lynch Foundation: https://www.davidlynchfoundation.org/ 

Aloha and thank you for being here! Connect with The Sick Burn Podcast: 

•Website: https://www.sickburnpodcast.com 

•Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sickburnpod 

•TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sickburnpod 

•Threads: https://www.threads.net/@thomascraigviii 

🎧 Mahalo for listening! If this episode connected with you, please: Subscribe to The Sick Burn Podcast so you never miss an episode. Share this conversation with someone navigating trauma, mental health struggles, or suicidal ideation. Follow us on social media for behind-the-scenes moments and updates. 

Credits: 

Hosted & Executive Produced by Thomas Craig VIII 

Produced by Voice & Video — Bill Lanzarotta 

Audio Engineer — Mickey Dixon 

Edited by — Kevin 

Graphics by — Jeff Lee 

Special Thanks — Jonny Mize

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this podcast are solely those of the participants and do not necessarily represent those of The Sick Burn Podcast, its affiliates, or any organizations we are associated with. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken as professional advice. #SickBurnPodcast #VeteransStory #PTSD #MentalHealth #davidlynchfoundatiom #SuicidePrevention #TranscendentalMeditation #VeteranHealth #CombatVeteran #MentalHealthMatters #VeteranSupport #ResilientWarrior #HealingJourney #SurvivalStory #BattleWithin #Hope #Recovery #MilitaryMentalHealth #VeteransFirst #Inspiration #Aloha

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, when you were talking, something came up, and it's what we were talking about a little bit before, but it's for me, it it was my major pain point. The core of my suffering is that I didn't feel like I belonged. You know, when I was a kid, didn't belong in my family. When I was in the military, didn't feel like I belonged. You know, I I felt less than insecure. So I would say if you're struggling and you're suffering, and you one thing to kind of take away is that you belong. You are part of this human family. You are everything, yet we just forgot. That's it. We don't need to be fixed. We don't need to be, uh you're not disordered, you're not broken. You know, too much time is wasted in healing by using that model.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Have you ever been through something that was supposed to make you stronger, but instead you felt broken? Have you ever carried something invisible that nobody else could see? Something that left you struggling in ways you couldn't explain. My guest today is Johnny Mise, a U.S. Army combat veteran. He deployed to Afghanistan, came home carrying invisible wounds, trauma that nearly cost him his life. But Johnny survived and found something that saved him: Transcendental Meditation. It worked so quickly and brought him so much peace that he became a certified TM teacher himself. And in fact, he became my teacher. Today he's in San Diego serving veterans and first responders through the Resilient Warrior program, teaching other warriors how to find the same peace that brought him back to life. Aloha, I'm Thomas, a plane crash and burn survivor, and I started this podcast because I know what it's like to hit rock bottom and wonder if you're gonna make it back. If you've ever struggled with trauma, with mental health, and with darkness that feels like it's going to swallow you up, this conversation is for you. What Johnny shares is real, vulnerable, and exactly what people who are suffering from something similar need to hear. So please enjoy this episode with my friend Johnny Mys. I guess my question for you, man, is can you take us back to when you were younger and some of that struggle and some of that trauma? Because I know it wasn't the easiest childhood.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Yeah. Yeah, I just grew up kind of, you know, in a in a very tumultuous environment, was kind of in and out of homes uh for a lot of my childhood and slept on couches on random people's floors and whatnot, and just you know, had some supervision that was dealing with some mental illness and substance abuse and you know how it goes, unresolved childhood trauma of their own. So it kind of got really tough very early on, very tough. Um, I remember at third grade just kind of thinking to myself, this isn't, this isn't normal, this isn't natural, what I'm having to witness and experience with all the amount of suffering that was going on in the home. Yeah. Yeah, it's a trip. Yeah, it's a trip. I don't know how I was able to sense that, but I think that maybe just be what we innately have when we, you know, when we're born, and then society and everyone's unresolved trauma and all their their stuff kind of just uh makes us forget that that safety and that security that um I think we all innately have. But but yeah, I um got, you know, I would run away a lot and just want to get away. And of course, that made things worse because it was just you know, retaliation of of running away. And then what was really tough was I remember a point where seeing my sister and my mom fight just dukes out in the living room, like physically throwing at each other. Yeah, just straight up MMA style on the floor and being, you know, in third grade or whatever, just completely frozen, you know, just could not wrap my head around the fact that these two people that I love so much that care for me could be fighting each other in like the most vicious way, like pulling hair and screaming. And yeah, that was a moment where I was frozen. And it I think that was a moment where it kind of um solidified that my younger self was thinking, okay, this is not, I'm on my own. I'm gonna have to figure this out and try to navigate a maneuver around this until I can get the hell out of this situation. And I eventually did have to be taken out of the home once I got into high school, but but yeah, it was just a lot of physical abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, uh, neglect. Uh, there was some sexual abuse, um, uh, of course, homelessness, being involved in the justice system. Yeah, there was there was a lot, man.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Yeah, man, that's so much to deal with. And yeah, not having the tools or even being able to like, what's a healthy way to process this? From there, though, okay, it looks like you're looking and you're searching for somewhere where maybe you're accepted, you're understood, and you kind of feel I think the safety plays a large, large part of that.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Oh, yeah, is this work for a kid especially, man? Yeah, yeah, that that's everything.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Yeah. So does this eventually lead to you joining the military? Is and at what age were you when you decided to, yeah?

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Yeah, so I joined when I was 19, and I was looking for, yeah, just stability, community, service. Wanted to be something more than my life up to that point, you know, to to be part of something greater than myself. And I um luckily had a great person in my life. David was his name. He passed away, unfortunately, but he was kind of my new guardian. Once I had to be taken out of my home, uh, he took guardianship of of me and he kind of he was a guidance counselor. That's what he did for a living, but he also was a really good, solid human being, and yeah, he was just trying to coach me, you know, as as best as did you meet him through the military or no, no, he is he was my sister's um uh husband, you know, before he passed away. He uh my sister and him met in high school and were high school sweethearts, and he was he was such a good person, and for for me and for my sister, and I remember just living with him, trying to figure out what I want to do at 18, you know, 19. And he just kind of suggested the idea of the military, and he was never forceful, but he was just such a positive influence in my life that I respected what he had to say because he was someone that uh you know was a genuine helper. You know, he was making a positive impact on these kids' lives in high school, where he was a guidance counselor, and I was so lucky to have him because I don't really know where I would have been without him or my sister taking me in. And then I joined and yeah, served uh, you know, six years or so. And then one of those years was deployed to Afghanistan 06 to 07.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Were you in active combat around that time?

SPEAKER_00 7:01

So I wasn't in direct fire, I wasn't in any direct combat. I I was stationed in the combat zone, but I was attached to a special operations command to support those guys that were going out.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

So luckily, I didn't have to leave a lot of the time to go outside of the perimeter. But just dealing with chronic constant indirect fire, you know, the suicide bombers, having to be the detail for the, you know, uh KIA ceremonies, just being in that environment, you know, we and science is coming out more and more, you know, especially with kids that are being born into inner city uh poverty uh communities, our environment can be traumatic. And for someone that is, you know, has maybe more of a sensitive nervous system, like I didn't realize I was just absorbing all of that stress. Uh, you know, I was there for a year, and then just the stress of being away from friends and family and and being with the same people every day, you know, smaller room than we are right now. Right, it just got to me and I cracked. I snapped around nine months in and just kind of lost it, and then did the year and then came back home, and that's when it kind of uh got tricky.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

Everything, yeah, everything started falling on you. Yeah, yeah, I can relate to that so much too. And you're so right about the environment. I think we downplay it, you know, society downplays it that you know, your environment does help to create your mindset, right? I'm I'm a big believer in stoicism in that we need to be responsible for the thoughts and emotions we accept. We're not responsible for all the ones that pop up, right? But how we react with it, what we actually accept that we, you know, we choose to put out there is how do we respond to that? Yeah, but I mean in such a and it's not the same at all, but in a weird way I I can relate because being in in ICU for about six months and just constantly hearing, like even though I could see my whole body was bloody and everything, but it was um, but hearing everything too, hearing other people screaming and and and babies crying and screaming and seeing, you know, and I give so much credit to these doctors and nurses who are there, you know, week in and week out, yeah. Um, and seeing people at their absolute worst, but it does, it it attaches to you, you know. And and yeah, you're right. Like for me, I was probably breaking the whole time. And I and because it was a shattering of reality over and over and over again for me. And then I wasn't able to really like work through it till after, but you are experiencing this, you're in that environment, you know, you have this breakdown. Where do you go to start healing things from there? Because are you stuck abroad or do you come back here, come back to the States?

SPEAKER_00 9:44

No, I um I just kind of, you know, as we were taught, kind of sucked it up and drove on and wow, just did the did the mission. And, you know, because there's no one really to talk to when you're at least when I was in the military, there's no one really to talk to that I knew of. Maybe there might have been a chaplain. Yeah, I guess there was a chaplain, but for whatever reason, that didn't that word and that position didn't resonate with me, especially when I was 21, 22. And uh, you know, going back to my childhood, no resources, no training on how to ask for help. Yeah, you know, that's a big bridge right there. There might be help. There might be someone to say, hey, I'm here to help, but how do you ask for help? How do you first know how to even approach that situation? So I just did the job uh for the rest of the deployment and came back home. And of course, you know, when you get back home away from a stressful environment, uh maybe in the hospital or combat or whatever it is, there's this little bit of a relief and high that you're oh good, good, I'm I'm back, I'm out of it. I'm I'm out of it, you know. As if uh that's true. Because as you know, like you were just saying, you could be out of a stressful traumatic environment at the hospital or a combat zone, but you just said those things are still with you, those things are still attached to you.

SPEAKER_02 10:58

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

So I was out physically of the combat zone, but there was a bigger war within me that started, you know, back in childhood. And I like to say my combat experience was just the last straw for my nervous system to be like enough. You need to kind of hit your rock bottom. And after the high wore off three months or so, maybe a little bit, my nervous system started to feel uh more somewhat uh yeah, it just was away from the mania and the highness, and it started to be more real. And I started to feel things that I didn't like, you know, a lot of anxiety, a lot of depression, um, a lot of um feeling like I don't belong and that no one understands me. Yeah, man. And then I obviously didn't like that, and I didn't know how to handle that. So I started using alcohol and just video games, uh sex, anything that I could find that could not make me feel what I was feeling inside because I just didn't didn't like it, but didn't have any point of reference to know what the hell is going on. And maybe things have changed in the military since I've been out, but there wasn't a whole lot of high quality checking in intervention before. And maybe there might have been someone, you know, doing his job when I got out when I got back into the States to said, hey, are you okay? Right. And of course I'm gonna go, I'm okay. I'm fine because I want to go, I wanna go back home. Yeah. So I was stuck by myself because I wasn't active duty, I was a reservist. So I was really uh alone, truly alone physically and mentally. And it's amazing. Looking back, I I must have had a lot of good luck and support because I don't know how I survived. Because usually that's a that's a recipe for disaster being being stuck alone and being uh with those feelings. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

It's it's something I can relate to as well, man. You're so right. You're in that stressful environment, it feels like it attaches to you, right? You know, there's that book like The Body Keeps Score. Yeah, they talk about the trauma that gets to get stuck in your body. I I I believe it too. Like I definitely felt it. Like I remember that feeling of getting out and being like, you know, like in the actual moment, you're safe. There's nobody coming to get you. There's no, you know, there's not like the the sky isn't falling, but your body feels like at any moment some shit is gonna happen and you could possibly go. I was right there with you. I, you know, I I never was, you know, I was a very social drinker and stuff like that. I never really did drugs, and but man, I was like smoking weed for the first time. I was drinking way more than I ever did, I was eating more than I never did, like all these like crazy candies, and and I I lost so much weight. I lost like 50 pounds when I was in the hospital. And so they were constantly just like, you gotta eat, you gotta gain weight. But then, you know, and I was never like a I liked sweets my whole life, but I didn't like love them like that. Yeah. But then, man, when I got home, it was like, oh, like someone made a cake at work, you know, and then my my then girlfriend, now wife, and would be like, would go to work and like someone brought donuts, and then I could eat all of them, you know. It was like, but it was so true. I didn't know what to do. Like my body was feeling like this, and I only knew that I didn't want to feel like that. So it's the same thing like you. I played video games non-stop. I poured everything into this video game and at night drink too much. And yeah, it was like I I really didn't know how else to move forward, and there wasn't any path forward for me anymore. And so, anyways, I just yeah, I really can relate to that.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yeah, and it just makes me think how many guys, you know, I'm sure you know, everyone, but just guys are out there going through this currently, and especially young men who have just have no real, yeah, no real positive role models or no no resources really to to kind of have an alternative, just another option. Because it's kind of like that's that's what mainstream uh influence tells us is like just pour your attention into either those things or working more or or the gym. And those are positive things, but it takes a lot, it takes a lot of courage to be able to be present enough and still enough to be like, okay, and going back to your stoicism, okay, I'm responsible. This is I'm not I didn't cause this, yeah, but I'm responsible for how I move forward with this. And that was a game changer to have that click.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Yeah. I think also for me, it's also I think courage is the right word because also sometimes, especially for men, like sitting with your pain, sitting with the fact that what you went through is real and that it was hard. And, you know, you don't want to relive some of those moments. For me, I definitely didn't want to relive the crash, but I could just keep playing. I know the feeling of like we're going down and this is gonna hurt, this is gonna suck. And that feeling, I I did not want to sit with it. And that's why, like, it's so you know, and I want to get through how you started to recover, but yeah, like for me, I was um I would meditate a lot, not you know, TM meditation, but like I guess I said meditation twice twice, but you know what I mean. Oh, everyone, yeah, I do that sometimes. Yeah, don't worry about that. Well, yeah, but I did not want to sit with that, even though I could do meditation. It was like the way, only way I could go to sleep before my accident, and then I could not meditate at all because I so did not want to be in my mind. I so did not want to be in my feelings. I didn't want to be in that moment before and then after the traumatic incident, yeah. Yeah, after, yeah, exactly. And but you're right, I think interesting it's so brave to take a moment and be like, whatever comes up, you're gonna be okay, you're gonna be strong enough to handle it. And yeah, and so for you, you're in this moment now, you're still a young man, society telling you all this stuff that isn't necessarily bad, like you're saying, but also isn't really dealing with what you went through. Where do you start making this shift and how do you start making this shift?

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Yeah, so it got pretty dark there for a moment and became Do you mind if I ask, like, what do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Yeah, you know, because I think, yeah, and and yeah, I just want to yeah, see if you wouldn't mind going through the phone.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

I think it's important because I definitely don't want to gloss over that part because I think it's important that I share that and that other people can hopefully relate and maybe be inspired. Because there's a lot of us that are really struggling and suffering, truly suffering right now, where we feel alone and it may lead into suicidal ideation, which I found uh by working with the Suicide Prevention Council, a lot of people had like, you know, have these had these thoughts, you know. Whether we act on that, that's a different, but just destigmatizing that and knowing that, you know, when we go through really dark times like I was, that can happen, and it's okay to ask for help and to the best you can. But when I was really suffering, I didn't have the resources, didn't have the people, and I thought I was all alone, and I just kind of negatively spiraled and had alcohol in the mix. And I made, you know, a few uh suicide attempts and it was alcohol induced. I don't think I would have done them if I didn't have alcohol. So there's yeah, there's definitely that challenge of separating yourself from what you're addicted to and what you're using to numb yourself. Uh it's it's a whole complicated issue.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

But are you completely sober now?

SPEAKER_00 18:08

No, no, I um I found for me that I find that works best is to kind of go to the root cause of why I would even want to reach for something to escape in and kind of release that more so than kind of restrain myself from particular activity or behavior. For me, that works.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Uh I know that other people that doesn't work, but I have a healthier relationship with all those things that I mentioned, you know. Yeah, yeah. Um, you know, there's nothing wrong, in my opinion, with having a drink here or there, or playing some video games here or there, or you know, working harder every now and then or going to the gym hard. You know, there's for me it's it's not so I've learned that it's not so much the behavior, it's really what's going on within me.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

And once I kind of hit my rock bottom, so to speak, I thankfully survived and I had chiropractor, believe it or not, that was trying to work on my body, try to fix my because I've always had low back pain. You know, going back to the body keeps the score. It makes perfect sense why I was having that low back pain in my childhood and into my adulthood. But he was a good guy and he he kind of just looked at me about two to three months into the treatment, and he just realized he he wasn't able to help me. And he said, Well, that's pretty rare.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

You know, yeah, you hear the stories of the doctors just trying to milk it, like, nah, just keep coming back.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

So oh yeah, he does he tried his best and he definitely kept working on me, but he was honest and he was a good guy. And he said, Look, I don't know what's wrong with you. You might want to look into something called transcendental meditation. I think that's gonna help your your your physical pain. Wow. And I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

I like what was your first thought when he said, Hey, you should look into transcendental meditation. Yeah. And how old were you at this point?

SPEAKER_00 19:57

I was 20, so I got it was early 20s, so maybe 23. 23.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

So 23 year old, some guy's like, hey, you should start meditating. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

What was your what was your what was your first thought? I well, it was my first thought was this guy is a nice guy, but he doesn't know what he's talking about. He's kind of out of his mind a little bit. This guy's a quack. This guy's a guy, this guy, he's just maybe trying to throw things out there. Right. Um, just because as you know, uh I didn't have any talk about mental health, especially holistic health, like yoga, meditation, and acupuncture. That was not, but I trusted him. He was a good guy, and I was suffering. I was in pain, and I was like, all right, I'll try it. Yeah, I'll see what this is all about. And as you know, as life goes, you kind of move on, and then another person comes into your life and starts talking about the same thing. Wow. And then you keep going on, and then another person comes into your life and starts. So I just had a few people, like a few mis musicians and people that I respected in like creative arts talk about TM. Wow. And I, you know, I just said, well, let me, let me, let me just look it up and go to the go to their website tm.org and check it out. And I learned it and I loved it. It worked, it really helped. And yeah, just kept doing it every day.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

That's amazing. It is amazing, like how when you are such in pain, you know, you just like whether it's physical or emotional, emotional in some ways for me, I think is harder. At least it was for me. But it's how open you are to other possibilities, right? You know, I was always kind of an open person, you know. Uh even at a young age, I had a boss that was like, hey, let's go try yoga. And for me at the time, I was like, let's do yoga just because of like the physical benefit.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

You know, where I was like, I'm flexible or like to become more flexible and I'm gonna get a good workout in and all that. And but you're open now to the names of everything, the shivasana, these postures, yeah, and the and the names of it and the origin, how it's supposed to no, there's a there's a spiritual element to it, right? And for For me as a young guy, it wasn't even about that, it was just like let's work out or whatever. Oh, yeah. And then now, you know, being somebody who was in so much pain, you're kind of open to so many more things because you're like, I just don't want to be in pain.

unknown 22:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

And I think it's a great opener. You know, we only when we think about pain, we only think about how miserable it is and how terrible it is, and how much you want to just escape that or get rid of it. But there is a side to being in so much pain where it just kind of opens the door for you. Be like, I'll receive anything to get me away from this pain. You know, and I think it's beautiful that you, you know, unfortunately had to go through this, but at the same time, it gave you this door for this new exciting and healing part of life to just enter your soul, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

Pain is a pathway. Yeah. And that's one thing I wish I had someone tell me when I was a little kid, just feeling so much emotional pain and physical pain. Because what I was being modeled by my mother, who's passed away, pain is something to run away from, to escape. Just take a painkiller. You know, and I nothing wrong with pharmaceuticals. We need them uh whenever it's intense, but chronically, that's going to just create more problems in the long run. So I was being modeled, pain is bad. Don't even acknowledge pain. Now I've learned, and I'm currently learning through other modalities that I'm taking care of my body with. Pain is a pathway. Pain is not bad. Pain is just the messenger that our bodies are communicating to us to ask for our attention and say, look, there's something here that needs to be, you need to be present with. And then led me to the post-traumatic growth model that I love. And I that's the kind of model that I really subscribe to and support because, and I think you kind of see eye to eye is that we're not damaged goods, we're not broken, we don't need to be fixed. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just going through a very difficult time. And how do we relate to that? And how do we relate to our inner reality, especially that emotional pain? That's the gift of pain. So I feel like pain can really elevate us and actually develop higher states of consciousness. So it's almost a gift that we are given. Yeah. And that blew my mind. That blew my mind because I turn on the TV and I turn on all this. I pick up my phone and the messaging is complete opposite. Exactly. You know, pain relief. Get rid of the pain, take it. Take a pill. Yeah, yeah. Just get this shot. Just uh surface level stuff. Just you know, put a smile on your face. Yeah, avoid get rid of the pain. The positive. Yeah. It's just uh that that messaging is so toxic. And I I've come to to learn that the human experience needs pain, needs a little bit of struggle. But when it starts to turn into suffering, yeah, when it's too much struggle, when it's overwhelming and unbearable, and there's no one around you to support you when you're going through that, that I feel is too much dark. And that's when a lot of people and families suffer. I love that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

Yeah. I I like to break it down this way. And I want to get back to, again, some of your beginning with TM, but I and my me and my therapist break it down like this, and he's the one that taught me it. But it's there's meaningless suffering, and then there's meaningful suffering, right? Yeah. And the meaningless suffering is yeah, like sitting at home and just playing video games, knowing that something's not right in you, uh, or knowing that, yeah, you have back problems, but like, ah, I don't know. I go, I'll go to the doctor next week or try to see if TM works for me next month, or you know, that's meaningless. You're just sitting in it, it's not helping you become better, it's not helping you become the person you want to be. And then there's meaningful suffering, which is like, I'm going to do this TM class and I'm gonna sit with the uncomfortable part about me or what's in me, so that hopefully I can move through it and learn how to like become the person I want to be. Or, you know, I'm gonna go work out. It's painful, it sucks. You gotta put in energy, I gotta get dressed, I gotta go to the gym. But at the end of the day, I'm gonna become healthier, I'm gonna work out some of my stress. So meaningful and meaningless suffering. But yeah, man, that's so true. Yeah, I I think about it that way. But for you, okay, so you're this young kid, the chiropractor is saying, Hey, I don't know if there's anything I could do for you. You're like, let's try TM. How do you get involved in this? What do you learn from it?

SPEAKER_00 26:19

Yeah. So I was uh living up north, uh small little surf town. And thankfully there was a TM teacher nearby, Robert, you know, uh great guy, and got connected through uh TM.org. It's a nonprofit that connects people who want to learn TM to their local TM teacher and just kind of showed up for uh a little intro talk to hear more about it and to make sure that he's on the up and up and not some uh spiritual, weird long haired bead wearing guy. Right, you know, because I I didn't want that. You know, nothing, you know, if that works for people, more power to them. But for me, I was looking for something that was really just practical and I could just use and I have to believe in it. That was my biggest thing. I was tired of uh having to, you know, uh believe in everything for it to for me to heal. I just wanted something that was really effective and efficient.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

Can I could I take a break for a second? Because I just love what you said about that belief. You know, yeah, I think there is a a part to that too where whether you're talking about mental health psychology or transcendental meditation, um, even like you know, for me going through what I went through, and I do see it as like a blessing, I do see it as a gift, but so many people were like, just pray about it, or just you know, read your Bible. And I don't get me wrong, it's nothing against religion. I I think it's amazing. I know it helps people, I know it gives them something to like, gives them hope and everything. But for me, to your point, it wasn't just like I can't just believe away the pain, you know. I can't just believe away the trauma. So I just I really appreciate that you said that.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

Yeah, it's such a you know, I know I don't want to, we don't want to offend anyone.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

It's not about yeah, it's not throwing down religion, it's not about that at all.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Yeah, it's just our it's just what what has worked for us. Right. And religion has helped a lot of people, and the power of belief and prayer, you know, it can work. And they've they've done some studies that it does actually change people's perceptions and and it does to some extent change their reality. And more power to them. Absolutely. I was really at a young age where I experienced a lot of religious trauma, and I talked to some people, and you know, once you start talking to them, they they say a lot of the same stuff. They don't, you know, it's unfortunate. A lot of people have been helped by religion, a lot of people have been hurt by religion because of this idea that you um see need to have a what's the word, a medium or a uh someone in between your relationship to uh whatever it is to God, or yeah, uh, there's this little bit of separation, and that can be abused by certain people in that position. So that was definitely my case. And I didn't want to have to do that ever again. So I found myself in a very difficult situation where I was suffering. I had no idea if there was a God or what is God. I was atheist, I was then agnostic, and then it was kind of like, well, I don't know what the hell's going on. And then I get uh I attend the TM intro, and the the TM teacher Robert was a good guy. He was he was just seemed happy, he just seemed healthy and he just had vital energy when I was talking to him. And I'm like, I was like, I don't know what I didn't really understand what he was talking about when he did the intro talk, but I was like, if I learn this technique and if I end up as happy as you look, then I'll I'll try it.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

Yeah, yeah. And it's worth it, and it's worth it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Because that there's something to be said about talking just for the sake of talking and and words just being meaningless. And there's another something deeper, more profound, is that when you meet someone and they've embodied what they're communicating, almost to the point where that's more loud than what their words are saying, where you just feel genuine presence, genuine caring. And it's difficult to describe because it's on an unconscious subtle level, but you just meet some people, you know, whether it's TM or a different kind of modality that they've been practicing for decades, they're just people that you just are naturally drawn to because you feel they're different. And you on some subtle level, we're all kind of yearning and craving for something that I that I don't have to work and accept and believe. I just want something that can remind me in almost an instant that I am worthy just by being alive. And for me, that was TM. I learned it. And the very first session, I was instantly reminded of my power that was taken away from me when I was a child, when I was physically abused, sexually abused, when I when I was in combat and I felt hopeless and I felt like this is hell, this is suffering.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Yeah, also powerless and just powerless.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Yeah, just I could not, you know, I could not get a fresh of breath air when I was in a child when I was a child and when I was in combat, just feeling confined, you know, physically, mentally, emotionally. And then one session with TM, it wasn't like a miracle, but it just kind of turned on a light in the room that was dark. And I kept doing it. And you, you know, it's a technique you practice twice a day for 20 minutes, and you just sit comfortably with your eyes closed, you can do it anywhere. And it just got better and better. And I started to feel whole and I started to feel human and I started to see things differently and have different perspectives and options rather than just going to the can I cuss on this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rather than just going straight immediately to the, you know, fuck the world, fuck you, fuck everything, which where I was at, because that's that was my, you know, suffering speaking. Yeah, I was there too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You've because of the struggles and suffering that you've been through, it's almost as if we we were getting crushed by our ex our circumstances. And there's nothing wrong with struggle and challenges and adversity, but when we aren't given support while we're going through that, and TM for me was that inner support that I could have to deal with the past traumas, but also set me up for success for those future uh challenges and adversities. So it's a it's a great recovery technique, and it's also an optimization practice that uh prepares you for success. So I yeah, I can't say I gotta be careful because I don't want to come off as a hokey or uh becoming uh evangelical about it. Because I because I know it's not for everyone, but for me and for the the for many people that I've uh referred and the many people that I've taught have the honor of teaching TM, I see it time and time again. Sometimes in a matter of a few days, they they have this light come back and they yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

As my trainer, you know, uh multiple times, but over that course that we did, the four-day course, yeah, absolutely. There were moments that I hadn't felt since the hospital. And I love it. I mean, one, I want to go back a little bit. So much of what you said there, man, was just so beautifully put, and it is true. Uh, I mean, it's it's true for me, and it just, yeah, it kind of allowed things to fall away, allowed me to see those hard moments and and not hold them with such grip and yeah, just an over-exertion, right? There's there's using your strength and then there's over-abusing it to where you're like, I'm completely depleted, but it just kind of allows you to hold that painful moment a little lighter. You know, and and that's what I noticed from it. Man, I just yeah, I I love what you said. Yes, blown up, yeah, I'm blown away by that.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Well, you're creating the space. I think that's the power of presence, is that when two people or you know, a group of people show up and they're genuinely uh curious and present and in a well-intentioned, compassionate manner, truth comes through. And I think that's what I'm really stoked about what you're doing here, man, is you you're you're creating the community and the space for people to share their stories and we overcomplicate things, you know. It's really presence, stillness, consciousness that we are looking for. And TM I found to be a really effective modality to create that awareness and that stillness and consciousness. And to you put your experience was just relate to the pains and relate to the challenges and relate to the struggles in a more lighter, less serious there's something to be said about not taking things too seriously, you know, and just enjoying more.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Right, right. I mean, there is so much medicine, I think, in laughing and you know, even though we've talked about some heavy conversations, like I could so agree with you, you know. Like one of the things I think that got me through the hospital was like my sense of humor, I got really dark. I had a very dark sense of humor, but I was like, I am I do kind of feel bad. I mess with the nurses and like do things. Hey, you gotta keep it light, man. You gotta find it where you can where you can find it. Yeah. But it's like I I do find too, even with the heavy stuff that we're even talking about today, there is moments of levity. There is moments of like, yeah, but how crazy was that? You know, like that you went through that or you got through it. And um, it's this weird duality of life that we can go through things that are so hard and heavy and life or death, and at the same time, uh, in some ways can laugh about laugh about your misery once you're kind of on the other side, I think. And yeah, I I find myself doing that a lot.

SPEAKER_00 35:15

Yeah, and I can tell, man, you always have this smile, you always have a good lighthearted uh humor about you. And that's such a good point. I really, really appreciate you saying that because that's another thing that I wish I could tell my younger self is besides from you know, pain is a pathway, I would also tell him laughter is medicine and don't hold back laughter and find those uh, even if it's somewhat dark humor, find those moments while you're going through that struggle and suffering and laugh, have the ability to laugh at the craziness of uh this human life. And and of course, science now is showing that you know, uh smiling and laughing actually has a physiological response and it can kind of um release those happy chemicals. So, yeah, I think not taking life too seriously, finding the joy and finding people and finding resources that give you genuine support that is tangibly, viscerally noticeable. You know, do do what works for you. That's what I tell uh people's whatever works, keep doing. If it doesn't work, don't do it anymore. Don't don't do things just for the sake of doing them. And if if it's something that's not working, do your research. Find what works. And for me, it was a multiple few things, you know. I did yoga, acupuncture, chiropractic, bodywork massage therapy, um, just nature, uh, getting into nature, getting in this into the sun, eating right, you know.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

Were you now open to all these things? Because I agree with you. For me, I've always been a curious person, but especially when it came to my healing, I was like, I'll try anything to just feel better, to not be depressed, to not think about suicide. So for me, it was like I'll do anything, right? Do you think was the TM that then opened up your mind to all these other modalities?

SPEAKER_00 37:02

Yeah, that's a great way of putting it because in TM they they've discovered that it actually wakes up your entire brain and the parts of the brain that are kind of frozen, so to speak, due to trauma or stress that blood flow can't get to. They find that TM uh wakes that part up, enlivens that, and integrates it. So you literally are kind of expanding your um perception of consciousness so that you're able to see other things. And as a product, I started to kind of reach out and and try this yoga crap and and go and try this acupuncture crap that I, you know, I thought was kind of honky and woo-woo.

SPEAKER_02 37:41

It's not really gonna work.

SPEAKER_00 37:42

Because, you know, there's something to something to be said about trying one thing, see if it works, and then if it works, you build momentum to do the next thing. And I find I found that when people take the TM course, they're kind of pleasantly surprised and how effective it is. And they go, okay, this works. Let me try something else. Maybe take a drama improv comedy class. Let me do that and see how that goes. So it really is about building momentum. And that's, yes, to your point. Thank you for bringing that up because when you're so stuck in that mud or that quicksand, thinking 10, 15 steps ahead is too much. So just think one step at a time. And for me, it was learning TM. And then that's led into other modalities. Now, who knew that this would happen? It's completely taken over my entire life. And I I went on to become a holistic health practitioner and a yoga teacher. I'm a massage therapist. And so yeah, basically, what do you open next?

unknown 38:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

I know, I know it's it's kind of like I want everything that healed me. My I'm like, oh, let me, let me become, let me learn it, and then so I can heal others. So it's kind of a weird trip, man. It's a very weird trip. I did not, if you were, if we were talking to my little 10-year-old self right here, who was completely just like, what the fuck is going on? What's going on? And if if we could tell him that, oh yeah, you're gonna be, you're gonna be good. And not only are you gonna be good, you're gonna be thriving and you're actually gonna be helping others. Like, that would have been like he couldn't even fathom that. Yeah, that would not, that would be so anything's possible, man. That's one thing I've I've learned about uh this life so far. And to be honest, it feels like I haven't even started. I got because I feel like I'm still I'm still learning more about myself. Like I got into this world of uh fascia. Have you heard of this? It's like the connective tissue, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:39

Yeah, like is it? I don't know if it's between your ligaments or muscles or something. Yeah, but like a lot of athletes talk about really like being able to like massage the fascia and everything.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

So yeah. So I'm I'm into this fascia world right now, and I'm discovering that it's actually fascia that holds all the trauma and all the stress within the connective tissue. Yeah, so I've been uh doing fascia work and and that's showing me more, and it's also opened me, opening me up more. So it's it's kind of like there's so much, so much. So just enjoy. Right. You know, just enjoy the process and know that there's always gonna be some new layer, right?

SPEAKER_01 40:19

Uh and um I love it because it's like you open one door, and then that door for you opened up 10 more doors. Yeah. And now as you start walking through those doors, it seems like those each 10 doors, they each open up 10 more doors, right? And I I love that about you. I think that's one thing we connected on very much is like I'll try anything to not want to end my life or not be depressed. And as as I tried more things, and as I stepped into I feel like this is too high fluent or whatever, you know, that I stepped into bravery, even though you know, as long as I was like, let me just try it, let me just see, let me just give it a shot, right? So true. And then it was like, whoa, that wasn't so bad, or oh, okay, I can kind of do this. That was kind of cool. Or, you know, people kind of received me better than I thought. All right. It just kind of opened my mind to more and more things. And I'm like, let me try it. And yeah, when I met you and you were talking about TM, and I will say, uh, there were moments I had as we were going through the four-day course, even last night I did it because I was like, I'm I'm you know, talking to Johnny tomorrow, I'm gonna get into it. Refresh, yeah. Yeah, it wasn't as powerful as those moments, but it did allow me to kind of just like reconnect. Like, here you are, here you remain, and that's okay, and that's good. Um, but in our four-day course that we were working with together, I had moments that I hadn't really felt since I was in the hospital when I felt like I was dying. When I felt like you're dead, the physical part of you is gone, and now your solar spirit is moving on somewhere else. And it's weird because I've kind of got moved away from religion a lot more after my accident. And I'm not encouraging everybody to do that. I'm just saying that was my experience. But with TM, I was like, I experienced this lightness, this weightlessness of my soul just kind of reaching somewhere. I can't go when I'm in the day-to-day life of reality. And you got to be present. You can't, it's not all again. This, yeah, don't worry about sounding woo-woo because I felt this.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

That was your personal experience. It was my personal experience. Personal subjective experience. Yeah, and exactly. It's different for everyone, but I see, I see what you're you're speaking.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

It was just this amazing thing.

SPEAKER_00 42:27

And yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Yeah, and and in and through all of this experimentation on trying to heal or find what healing means to me, or becoming the person I want to be, whatever that means to me, I'm able to take one step towards that by just kind of not surrendering, not saying like, I'll just go with whatever. Yeah, but just saying, like, let me try. Maybe this will work for me. Open-mindedness, open-mindedness, man. And it's kind of got me to these amazing places. And I and it seems like it has for you too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:58

Yeah. I think that's a that's the main takeaway, I think, from this conversation is don't let your cynicism be your own destruction.

SPEAKER_01 43:06

Yeah. Thinking the the light went out just to hear this moment from you.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

I was tripping. Yeah, was I was like, was that me, or did that actually okay, yeah. So it was the light. Yeah, because I know a lot of guys, especially for you know, everyone, but there's there's something about guys where we just get into this rut and we think nothing, nothing's gonna work. And there's no such thing as nothing, and there's no such thing as always. You know, never or always are just traps to get yourself into. So there's always something for someone. Just find what works for you and just stay with it and then build momentum because you're gonna open up like you were just talking about. And then that's when life begins. That's when we actually live and we're not controlled by our past. We're influenced, we're we educated, we're informed, yeah, but we're Not live and presently, and I think that's what the world is missing. At least in my opinion, is so many people are just stuck in their uh their past stories. So I think there's something to be said about having a um a rites of passage, uh, maybe a little whether it's like a retreat. You know, I work with a lot of veterans through the the nonprofit I work for, the David Lynch Foundation, which offers full TM scholarships for veterans, active duty, first responders, their family members, and and populations that, in my opinion, just need it the most. And, you know, they talk to me about other things they're doing, and they go to these retreats and they kind of have like a ceremonial rites of passage to leave that story behind and then allow space for a new story and you know, or to write the story from a new perspective. Exactly. Yeah, you know, and that's I wish not just every veteran, but I wish every person, you know, could have that experience once a year or once uh twice a year, just to break away and get a new perspective. And and but yeah, I know that we're uh we're we're we're talking for uh a minute, so I don't want to keep it.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

No, no, um, no, man. This has been absolutely incredible. There's so much I agree with. You know, I I relate to it, I am a fan, uh not just a fan of TM and a believer in it, but a believer and fan of you. You've been incredible. It's been one of my favorite things I've done since doing this podcast is getting to know you and getting to see how you have operated and you've overcome your own adversity. So I ask everybody these same two questions if it's okay I'd like to ask you as well. And I think you're gonna have some amazing answers, even though I think in some ways you've already answered them. But uh that's how it goes when you and I talk, man. It just kind of you're naturally, I mean, you you talked about it already, like living authentically and then, you know, and just being that person you want to be. But the first question is this what currently is giving you the most amount of peace? How much time do you got, man?

SPEAKER_00 45:59

I I don't want to I don't want to take too much time. Um I've kind of, as you I'm sure you can tell, I've I've intentionally created an entire life with that in mind. I've just everything that I decide now, because I've come from chaos and war, I want the complete opposite. So every decision, every every person that that I want to be with, or every job that I take, I I want to have more peace. So I do two full programs, anchored peace. So I do, you know, yoga asanas, a very simple, uh comfortable breathing practice. I do my my full TM program and then and then I uh create safety uh within my nervous system. I'm into uh fascial work, just body work, getting into nature, trying to surround myself with natural settings. But the number one thing that um has given me the most peace is that that self within me that you are speaking to that we get when we practice TM. That's really that's really the technique of TM is inner peace. And it's within everyone. Every single person can do this technique because it's our natural birthright to experience peace, inner peace, true inner peace. But how do you get there? That's the problem. They they didn't teach us this when we're in school. So um TM for me is is that practice. That's awesome, man. That's wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 47:17

All right, second question for you. If you if somebody's going through their lowest or darkest moment right now, what's one piece of advice you give them?

SPEAKER_00 47:26

Yeah, yeah, I think we did cover a lot of good things.

SPEAKER_01 47:31

Um if it's the same thing that we've talked about, that's fine. But if there's something else that's come come up, like if you're remembering your, you know, 18 or your 20-year-old self and he's struggling right now, and he's like, Whoa, I don't even know where to go.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

What's that one thing you would tell him? Well, when you were talking, something came up, and it's what we were talking about a little bit before, but it's for me, it was my major pain point. The core of my suffering is that I didn't feel like I belonged. You know, when I was a kid, didn't belong in my family. When I was in the military, didn't feel like I belonged, you know, I felt less than insecure. So I would say if you're struggling and you're suffering, and you one thing to kind of take away is that you belong. You are part of this human family. You are everything. Yet we just forgot. That's it. We don't need to be fixed, we don't need to be uh, you're not disordered, you're not broken. You know, too much time is wasted in healing by using that model. Too much time. Don't waste time, just go back, go back to the source of who you are, transcend and reach that inner peace and remember and enjoy. And like you were saying, don't take things too seriously. You know, life is meant to be enjoyed. We're all in it together. And if you would like to learn TM, if you're in part of the world where there's a local TM center, you can go to tm.org and and learn. If you're here in San Diego, where I'm based, uh, I work for the David Lynch Foundation. Um, we have full scholarships available if you are a veteran or a first responder active duty member. You can just go to the website, david lynchfoundation.org, and and kind of apply and you'll be you'll you'll be supported.

SPEAKER_01 49:14

What about you? Personal social media and stuff. Can people reach out to you that way?

SPEAKER_00 49:19

Yeah. Uh so I'm not that active. I should be more active. Maybe you can think I'm gonna help you with teach me that.

unknown 49:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

But um definitely the uh the main email for veterans is veterans at david lynchfoundation.org. And for first responders, that's responders at david lynchfoundation.org.org if you have any questions. But I'm on LinkedIn, Instagram, uh, Facebook, Johnny Mys. You can find me there. But but yeah, uh reach out. Even if you don't want to learn TM and you just kind of want to have a human to kind of talk to, I'm always available. Uh um, you know. Uh so but yeah, thank you for giving me this opportunity, man. This has been uh my first podcast, and it's I think I think it's um a really, really cool thing that you're doing here, bro. So I'm just wishing you the the best with this and any way that I could help uh support your what you're doing here, yeah, that let me know, man.

SPEAKER_01 50:14

All right, well, I appreciate it. You're one of a kind. I feel like such a I don't use this word too often. I know it can be cheesy people, but it has been a blessing to meet you and to know you, man. It's it's an honor to call you a friend. Let's bring it in, man. Yeah, likewise.

SPEAKER_00 50:30

Oh, yeah. Awesome, bro. All right, man. Yeah, thank you. It's been a blessing, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:36

If this episode hit home for you, like, share, and subscribe. We'd really appreciate it. And drop your biggest takeaway in the comments. I'd love to know what Johnny's story meant to you. And make sure to follow Johnny and check out the Resilient Warrior program at restore VFW in Solana Beach if you or someone you know needs some support. So take care of yourself, if you can, someone else, and keep exploring the bright side of life's darkest moments. Aloha.